My Dream

I had a dream in the early morning. The kids were all little again. Josh was about 4, Levi was 2, Chris was 3 and Cote was 4. In reality their ages don't make sense but in the dream world this all made perfect sense. Also Josh wasn't really just 4 in this dream he was the Josh he is now... 21...yet he was 4.

We were all going for a walk. We had the stroller filled with the babies...Chris and Levi. Cote was holding my hand. Cote was impatient and tugging on my hand and sighing heavily as we talked with Josh before leaving on our walk. Josh wanted to stay home with the little baby... but he was torn between REALLY REALLY wanting to go on the walk with us and REALLY REALLY wanting to show us that He was a big boy that could baby sit his baby brother. He stood at the screen door watching us walk towards the sidewalk. Kevin and the others were growing impatient with me as I wanted to go back and check with Josh one more time before leaving.

I walked up to the screen door and asked Josh one more time "You sure you don't want to go with us?" I could tell by his face that he really wanted both, to come with us and to stay.

"Yep" he replied "I'm gonna watch the baby...I'm sure" The baby made a fussing in the background shadows and I couldn't really see him. Josh retreated into the shadows too, towards the baby and I could hear him saying "Don't worry baby I'm here with you." in a sweet sing song voice.

"I'm sure mumma just go." He said looking up at me and dramatically rolling his eyes as he stepped out of the shadows carrying the baby in his arms. I just stood there not wanting to go.

"I'm surrrre" he said once more in an exasperated whispery sigh.

"Okay then, well.... we won't be gone long" I told him. I walked back out to where the rest of the family was waiting in their typical patiently, impatient fashion and as we started to walk down the street, I turned to look one more time towards the house and watched as little Joshy stood in the door way holding his baby brother...who I couldn't really see because he was all bundled up.

I woke up and as the fog of sleep lifted I knew the baby he was holding was Isaiah.

I know I have a lot of concerns about Josh going into the Rangers in the troubled times our world is in and I remember in the dream feeling as if it were a final goodbye in the earthly realm.

My heart is struggling with letting go....again!

BTW: please know this was only a dream and in the real world I would NEVER leave a 4 year old home alone...let alone to watch a baby!!! :)