This afternoon when Kevin left to run a quick errand, he accidentally left his cell phone behind...since he uses this phone for work (police work) he is never far from it. While he was gone, it beeped, alerting me that there was a message waiting for him. So I checked it just in case it was an emergency. The message that was left was nothing significant but I am really terrible at using cell phones and so I clicked a back arrow, by accident, which brought up an old text message from our 17 year old son, Chris, which Kevin had saved...
"Am i allowed 2 tell ne1 yet?"
It was received: Wednesday, October 28th @ 11:25 am
That was the morning Kevin and I had officially confirmed, what we already knew....then announced it to the boys. That was the morning we told them, I was pregnant.
That was the morning that I saw the look of giddy, joy in a stoic man's face. That was the morning that Kevin and I sat at the kitchen island, savoring our last shared cup of coffee...well last cup...for what we thought was going to be at least several months, anyway. That was the morning, that Kevin had to reluctantly, tear himself away from me, to go to work.
I remember the conversation so well...
"How can I go to work...when you get to stay home with the baby all day?" he was truly jealous! I giggled smugly as I gazed into his soft, elated face. I was so proud, that I had made this man, that I loved so much....so happy and hopeful and so full of met and anticipated joy!
"Imagine how much harder it's going to be to go to work once the baby is actually born? You'll never want to leave in the morning." I teased.
We shared a long heartfelt, giddy gaze before he sucked down the last gulp of his coffee and left for work. He hadn't even gotten off of our road before he was calling me on his cell to talk to me all the way to work. Later on that morning he texted our son, Chris, with the news.
Sigh...what power from an unexpected text, from what now seems like, a lifetime ago, that it could cause such a flood of emotion and rememberance. My heart thinks...I should have him and just can't find him. My head knows it was never meant to be the way we planned.
I should have him and I can't find him---that haunts me still to this day.
ReplyDeletei like that you found the text because it slaps the new reality back down--Isaiah was here, there was joy and thrill surrounding his life--innocent joy.
Chrissy,
ReplyDeleteAll the highs and lows of our days are what make us who we are. It's best to ride them to their destiny.
rel
Chris, How true! What is known intellectually can not compete with feelings of the heart. We never know what will strike that chord of remembrance: a smell, sight, sound, even a taste or a touch can calls us back to those painful sorrows. Then like a great tsunami the grief once again engulfs our soul. How can knowledge contend with that? I am truly sorry for your pain. Thank God, that Jesus is the lifter of our head. He heals the broken hearted. Praise Him!
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